I've been "Googled"

Hey there kids! I'm back.

It's not that I was vacationing in Rio, finally under lock down or had my internet shut off because I couldn't afford the bill (which is probably the most likely of the three), it was because I was GOOGLED!

OK, now you're wondering what the hell that means. People get Googled all the time and they don't drop off the planet. Actually, being Googled is a good thing... isn't it? Well, maybe the problem is that when I say Googled, I don't mean the process of someone hunting me down on a search engine. I am talking about the process of being tossed into the automated, bot-ridden, nonsensical, inquisition that evolves around a giant corporation monetizing a free service.

In basic terms, my site was taken down because Google said it was SPAM. Now I know people will say "Hey that's Blogger, not Google!" Well, who owns blogger.com? Why does Blogger exist?: To instill a free voice to society? To promote universal education and free flow of information to the needy masses who are dehydrating on ignorant printed content? No... it's to make money.

More Bloggers, means more searchers, means more ads, more clicks, more cash, more size, status, prominence and control. It's not a bad thing. It's just the honesty of the situation. I am on blogger to schlep my shit as much as the next man/woman/animal with opposable thumbs. I also understand that with my shit, no matter how much money I make (if any), Google will make more. Even without me making money, they are making money, because my registration and use adds movement, numbers and information to their site thus bolstering their data records, status and prominence as the leader of all things digitally search-able. Whore, that I am, I drop to my knees, willingly offering my creativity in the hopes of catching a drop of the commercial ejaculate streaming of the metaphoric phallus of giant information based commerce.

That being said, with systems of this size and magnitude (and margin) there is no reasonable way of monitoring the constant flow of information swishing around in a efficient way. The idea of creating work tools that are successful to the user 100% of the time is concept long since dead. People, at the end of all things, are what make things ultimately work. However, people are the biggest cost and thus are the first thing to go. In their place, the golden goose known as automation.

In this particular instance, automation comes in the form of robots (nope not the cool giant ones with laser eyes that eat old people's medicine) that scan sites looking for various indicators that suggest a site is violating code of conduct regulations (we'll get into that in another post). It would be ludicrous to expect a company worth billions to employ people to actually make sure users are being accounted for the usage of services provided by said billion dollar company. That's against every capitalist precept their is. However, for whatever reason, certain rules are applied and must be enforced. Who better to enforce them, then a machine?

Now why would a machine be used to do this? The obvious reasons we'll ignore because efficiency is the next "we were only following orders" excuse in the great economic genocide of our generation. Let's, instead, talk about the actual reasons.

1) Unaccountability - Machines can fuck up and it is an instant get out of jail free card. Everyone, in the modern age, has had tech freeze, fail or just die for no other reason then it was just it's time. With that universal understanding, blaming the fact that the machine is machine, is excuse enough.

2) Deniability - Machines can commit atrocities that can be attributed to reason one. Mistakes, vial intentions and pure undeniable evil can be blamed on technical mishaps; so how better to veil the true intentions of any mechanical money maker then program it into a machine and then deny that it was intentional. Only experts can see through the fog and laymen are quick to back down from investigation. Experts also cost money... that's why they became experts.

3) Unforeseen Circumstances - The Microsoft Method, I like to call it. "Hey this shit is complicated and of course we are going to release it while it still has bugs! If we waited, it would be obsolete by the time it was released!" That's the nature of the business, we as consumers have accepted that. Version 1, is shit Version 2 will be a much better ipad, operating system, cell phone, etc. So we expect a little, "we are working on it but can't give a definitive time line" excuse with our technology. This is another avenue for escape because as long as someone says "the tech isn't perfect," we have to bow to the reasoning and back off, no matter of unjust, detrimental or destructive the result is.

So let's get to the good stuff!

If you have read my blog, it is obvious that it is not a Spam blog or "splog" as they cutely refer to it. In fact, my blog turns most people off because of how non-interactive it is. It's boring fucking text. No pictures, no video, no banners, no games, no flash. There are some Google Adsense, a couple links (some fake ones) and the typical Google provided widgets to show that no one is reading it. In fact, it is so not a "splog" I think spam blogs would be offended that this place would even be compared to one.

Whatever the case, I got flagged as a spam blog (after posting one of my least anti-establishment posts ever... which I found peculiar) and got that dreaded email:

"Your blog has been marked for deletion."

I was pissed, but seeing as that is pretty much my constant emotional state, I just went with it. I went to my control panel, clicked the review link and read the excuse about how I was flagged, marked or branded as being spam and then given the opportunity to have my blog "reviewed" if I felt they made this in error.

Let's note the key information that was left out:

Who flagged my blog? - Well and automated system did because I had some sort of marker indicating it. However, another possibility is another user could have flagged my blog as well. All users have the ability to do this if they think someone is in violation of blogger conduct. So if that was the case: who? (unaccountability)

Why was my blog flagged? - The actual "markers" of abuse of service are so vague they could mean just about anything. The robots have been programmed with complex algorithms which go way beyond the general users understanding. It's actually so complex, they don't even understand it at times: so shit happens. (deniability)

How do I get it back? - This is where the real fun starts...

So you submit your review and they immediately reply with, "Your site will be reviewed by something hopefully resembling a human with an actual brain. You submitted on (whatever date)." But that's it. No "It will take this long," or "reviews take between this and that amount of time." Nothing. (unforeseen circumstances)

But that's not even the best part. I wait a week and begin to wonder if anything is happening at all. Lo and behold, turns out that process doesn't mean anything. There is actually a four step process that involves forum posts, appeals databases, and eventual comment complaining that isn't mentioned anywhere on that review page. So I write my little "Shit is still broken message" and get a long reply from a blogger status rep who outlines all of the information required for a proper review that isn't posted on the page that tells you the information required for a proper review.

Now, I will admit. The person who helped me was very straight forward, almost aggressive in their information giving. Which for some, I could see as being off-putting, but for me I enjoyed the honesty. This was also the person for who got my site back up. They also pointed out a few other things that fell right into our categories here. The first was the constant reassurance that these mistakes are constant and will continue to be constant "for the remainder of time." Awesome. The other was that these errors are necessary to help build the site and prevent those types of mistakes from occurring in the future. Awesome again.

So let's translate this to normal reasoning.

Shit's broke and will always be broke, so stop fucking complaining. It's free you whiny piece of shit, be happy we are even talking to you.

In fact, if that was the response I would have gotten, I would have been fine with it. Hell, I would have appreciated the honesty. I'd be pissed that I lost all my blog articles, but at least it would have been a valuable lesson in "free speech," and "free technology." Instead, I got the normal fair that I can only imagine the poor person is forced to send to thousands of angry bloggers every week while silently cursing them for their selfishness.

A week and a half later, here we are. Back in action. Thanks blogger for letting me have it back and not deleting it. It showed me the basis of successfully creating my own techno super giant and all the avenues and shortcuts that I too can take in the development of contribution based information aggregation. I have now also sent it out to my readers as well, so they can benefit or (hopefully) refuse it in the near future.

If I was, in fact, flagged by another user, all I can say is "better luck next time." The only reason someone would flag this would be because they just plain didn't like my opinion and used the flagging system to try to get rid of me. Will they be held accountable for their gross violation? Of course not. We can run freely condemning without recourse or consequence. Our accused will be put off, aggravated, violated and, occasionally, wrongfully punished. It's the way of things. If we were held accountable for our accusations, truly accountable there would be no war, no religion and no politics... and no real money to be made.

Amen, brothers and sisters.

Let's see if I get flagged again!!