Weapons against the P: Masturbating!

What kind of blog would this be without helpful hints and tips on surviving your predestined financial state!

This is the first of many posts on all sorts of great activities you can utilize to pass the time on your way to the poor house.

One of my favorite things in the world is financial sites that advertise cheap dates, activities, seminars, "adventures" and events that are easy on the wallet. Essentially, this is just another site selling you shit. If you are broke the only activity you can afford comes with one price tag and one price tag alone: $0

So let's jerk off!

Yes masturbating, the true proof of God. Any creature which has been blessed with the cognitive ability to blow a load by choice and at basically any time is really one of the remarkable wonders of our world.

Hopefully, I do not have to go through the rudimentary mechanics of expelling some nutty-buddies, but let's talk about the proper motivation!

Horray for free porn
If you are reading this blog then you probably have access to a computer and also are hopefully stealing your internet service. Due to the overwhelming demand (and the slow decline of western civilization) porn is free and abundant on the world wide web. You can watch it on computers and mobile devices anywhere in the world and not have to pay a dime. It used to be you only had access to the occasional clip that ran out just before the evil janitor slammed his rocket meat into the tied up cheerleader, but now you can watch full 30 to 40 minute rampant fuck-fests done by real down home people with low self esteem!

Here are some sites just to name a few!

Raw Gonzo
Spankwire
Smuttt

Now this is a great source of subject material that can be saved in the big, 10% use hard drive we all have called brains. There is nothing like watching some free porn, then remembering and then reusing it again and again. All free, all the time!

The lost art of Fantasy

Everybody's got someone they want to fuck. The waitress at Denny's, the teller at the welfare office, the stuck up bitch in the cubicle by the copier... whatever. Time to take the time to really work out the intricate fantasies of having your vulgar and unspeakable way with said lover (victim, depending on your preference).

I like to spend a good ten minutes giving my subject a thorough once over. A full body scan, if you will and then selecting one personal item in their general area that brings just the slightest source of reality into my lurid chamber of stickiness. For example, I used to fantasize about a waitress who I knew outside work as well. She always had some kind of drink in a metal thermas that she would constantly have with her. With that in mind, I would always slap the thermos out of her hands before bending her over my couch, or have her dump the contents over her awaiting form before being whisked off to my pump palace. (this fantasy worked better with cold drinks than hot). Wham bam, a little piece of truth in the pathetic lie added to the fun every time!

Here is the best part, no one will ever know how much self-sex you are having with them. It is so much better than actually ever dating them and realizing what a peice of shit they really are and losing out on all that cash for wasted food and entertainment that never ended in any fantasy resembling what you had of them. Save the cash, lock them into memory, then lock your door and go to town.

Nut busts lead to Savings!
One other great aspect is that fact that jerking off leads to ejaculation (also free) which leads to sleep (also free)!

Essentially you can get an awesome three for the price of one selection on totally free activities that take up time and distract you from the mundane miserable existence you are leading! Now that is an awesome deal.

Poor Man's Challenge:

Here is a great challenge to save money and have fun. Store up all this week for a full weekend of fantasy style wank off! Turn off the phone, leave off the lights and go to town in every filthy desire about every possible person you can remember ever wanting to violate. I like playing a game I have labeled TIME TRAVEL. This is where I think back to the earliest fantasy I have ever had and try to play through them one at a time. I include in this list every ex, friend, and enemy I have ever had my eye on if even once or as a constant participant in the super-porn mash up that is my spank tank!

Try to jerk yourself into exhaustion! See how many times you can do it in an hour/ day / weekend. Write it down and try to beat your record! This is an awesome, isolated and completely free activity that saves you money, releases tension and burns calories.

Now let me tell you what the best best bestest part is! You never ever have to pursue anyone. People in real life are not fantasies unless you have money, so it is retarded to think that you will ever have a real one that is even slightly comparable to the twisted menagerie that makes up your mind. So put them out of your mind. There will be more on this with future Weapons against the P posts, but for now, you've been reading long enough. Hit the room, hit the lights and let the self abuse flow... amongst other things!